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think i’ll go eat some worms…

Winter brake is over.  Kids are back to school.  No more excuses.  Get back to work.  Turn on the computer.  Open a new blank page.  Stare at the screen.

Make a phone call.

Check email.  Go on Facebook.  Look at Twitter.  Skim Pinterest.  Answer a phone call.

Go back to blank page.  Stare.  Smack keys.  Gibberish.

Play piano.  That sounds pretty.  Open Cubase and record it.  Listen back.  Add some more notes here and there.

Check email again.  Answer another phone call.  Scroll around Facebook while talking on the phone.  Drink a glass of water.

Stare at blank page some more.  Lift up keyboard and drop it back down hoping inspiration drops out.

Look at news websites.  Skim stories about famous people receiving awards from other famous people for being famously famous.  Wish I was famous.

Open iTunes library.  Look for music to inspire me.  Play some Olafur Arnalds.  Makes my piano recording sound stoopid.

Stand up and stretch muscles.  Look out the window and watch the neighborhood cat prowl outside my window.  He’s a cute, bright orange tabby with darker orange stripes wrapping around his body.  He’s very friendly too.  Tap on the window.  He stops in place.  Tap again.  He looks right at me and relaxes.  His tail flicks back and forth.  Sadie barks and the cat jumps.  He runs off out of view of my window.  I pet the dog making sure she knows she’s my girl.  She bounds back into the living room to resume her daily nap on the couch.

Go to the kitchen.  Make something for lunch.  Check my blood glucose.  Higher than it should be.  Take medicine.  Ouch.  Read a book while I eat. Words words words.  So fantastical mystical wondrous.

Why do I bother?  Stare at the blank page.  I sit and I stare.

Put my new fingerless gloves on that Melissa bought for me to write in when it’s cold.

Stare some more.  Watch my fingers drift above the keys waiting to pounce as soon as an idea shoots down the nerves from my brain into the muscles of my hands.

Wonder what it’s like to meditate with monks in Tibet?  How did he get that incredible piano sound on this recording?  Maybe we should practice more baseball when the boys get home from school tonight.  Does Cormac McCarthy ever doubt his genius?

Focus man.  FOCUS!  The screen is too bright.  Can’t think.

Blank.

Blank blank blankity blankblank.

This sucks.

Come on brain.  You’ve done this before.  You can do it again.  Right?  Open old ideas to see if anything pops to the surface.  What was I thinking here?  Don’t know what I meant with that one.  If this one was written on paper I’d burn it.

Wait a minute… here…this has some possibilities.  Nope.  Not today anyhow.

There has to be something drifting through the ephemera in my head I can pull out that’s worthwhile.

Check email again.  Oh!  Rachel Yamagata is playing on Daytrotter today.  That would be cool.  Too bad they charge for membership now.  No other messages.

Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  Think I’ll go eat some worms.  La de dah de dah.

Nothing new on Facebook.  I should get Sadie a treat and take her outside for a few minutes.  Better get my coat.  It’s forty degrees out there.  Small two inch high mountains of un-melted white sit on the ground after the snow a few days ago.  We’re supposed to get more but the weatherman’s always wrong.  Doesn’t matter where you live.  They never get it right.

Try some stream of consciousness:  Can’t spell too smelly fantabulous smorgasbord yummy dictionary lights and sounds please forget to buckle your seatbelt driving too fast curvy road race crashes in the rain make for unspecial holiday presents unwrapped paper under the tree burnt in the fireplace no more kindling for the wet logs sitting there puffing out clouds of useless smoke all over the living room.  Brilliant genius.

Listen to myself breathing.

Belt is too tight.  Haven’t exercised in too long.  Gotta get back on the train.

Stare at the blank page.  I sit and I stare.  Pile of books on my desk.  Maybe I should replace them with books I don’t like.  Won’t be so intimidating.  No.  Get inspired.

Find it.  It’s there.  It’s here.

It’s here now.

Dig deeper.

Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, full count.  Here comes the pitch, it’s a curve ball.

I sit and I stare.

I sit and I stare.

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About alexkimmell

i write. sometimes with words. sometimes with sounds. visit me at alexkimmell.weebly.com the novel "the Key to everything" now available on amazon, b&n, iTunes

3 responses to “think i’ll go eat some worms…

  1. Steve ⋅

    As you well know, I’m not a writer, but I do sometimes find myself staring at the screen without a clue about what I need to create. Most often my clients have expressed a need to me, and that defines the effort. But sometimes, I have to initiate the work. What I do then is work on something other. Something I liked to design or build. I may sketch a boat, or a locomotive, or a toaster. It doesn’t have to be original, but it gets the engine in gear. Somewhere inside, a little gear will mesh with another one.
    Far more often than not, the whole thing links up and I wind up designing something. Far more often than not it isn’t any good. Just going through the motions can sometimes trigger a really good idea. Woody Allen, who is not my favorite person, said something like, “Half of being successful is just showing up.” For me showing up is doing something I never finished in the dim past, or revisiting something I liked doing. Doing creation even if it isn’t the specific creation you want to move forward on.

    When I hit a wall, I sometimes actually write in my memoir. Memoir is just a french way of saying my not very organized and pretty self-serving autobiography. After ten minutes or so of that I get busy on what I’m supposed to be doing, and can find a good kernel of thought that has emerged. I think it’s called “catharsis.”

    Love,
    Dad

  2. Yep. That’s about the size of it.

  3. Dad always gets his best ideas after a nap or in rhe early mor
    ning when he has just woken up. So try a short nap it might
    work for you too. I f not,you will be rested and ready to write.
    Love,
    Mom Good luck!!!

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