PM October 7, 2012



Dad let me in here. He told me to do this. He showed me how.

I don’t like the blood. It is everywhere now. The people fighting outside I see them from the window.

Mom went out there before I woke up. Dad told me not to look before he shut the door. Im in here by myself.

I didn’t see Jonah. I think I heard him outside but I never seen him.

I need to be quiet so they cant hear me. I don’t want to fight.

It is all blood now. So much blood. Im scared.

Im all alone now.

Im scared.


By Gabriel.






AM October 7, 2012




so very thirsty.

people outside walking into things 


so many flies



nt brthng


ther nt brthng





3:15AM October 7, 2012


it’s late.

can’t sleep.

sadie’s gone.

i don’t know where she is, but i cant find her.

i can hear the noise.

i follow it everywhere, but she’s not in the house.

my leg stopped responding to my brain when i got out of bed.

i fell down three times already.

i think it was three…

melissa isn’t waking up.

i guess she’s really tired.

jonah crawled into our bed a little while ago.


we’re all moaning

head hurts.

my eyes are on fire.

i need to go back to bed now.





12:24AM October 7, 2012


Okay. That was weird. I opened the back door to let Sadie do her business before we went upstairs to bed. I called her three or four times to get her up from behind the couch. The way she walked, I almost went to check her water bowl for vodka. She wobbled across the floor like a drunk. Even her eyes rolled back a bit showing whites beneath her deep brown irises.

I followed her outside and watched her tumble down the stairs. My heart skipped a beat or two when she missed some footing and fell down the last two. She landed in a heap on the damp grass, barely moving other than her short legs twitching.

I held the handrail to keep my balance going down the stairs. My right leg is really weak these days,so I need to be extra cautious. I don’t want to fall. I knelt next to her checking for any obvious injuries. My hand slid under her neck ready to pick her up when she made the strangest noise. It didn’t sound like Sadie at all. Normally she is the sweetest, most loving dog in the world. She never growls or bites anyone other than our neighbors dog when he tries to hump her.

It didn’t come from her mouth. This low pitched rumble exited from somewhere I couldn’t see. A chorus of cracking and loud pops harmonized making me all but run back up the stairs. I fought through it though and carried her back into the house laying her to rest on the couch. I put her favorite blanket over her and took myself to bed.




7:53PM October 6, 2012


About an hour ago Sadie started whimpering in her sleep. She normally snores pretty loud so I didn’t notice it at first.  Sitting next to her on the couch, Gabriel called me over. “Hey Dad?” He scratched behind her ear. “Sadie’s having a nightmare. Look.”

“I bet she’s dreaming about chasing that rabbit in the backyard.” Her short legs were kicking and scratching while her lips curled and uncurled. We’d seen her have dreams before, and she can be pretty active in her sleep.

“She must be tired.” Melissa came in the room. “She usually wakes up when we pet her.”

Gabe scratched her exposed belly and went back to playing his game on the DSi.






4:07PM October 6, 2012


Melissa and the kids got home from their party a little while ago. Sadie didn’t run to the door to greet them when they got here. She didn’t even bother to get up from her nap in between the couches. I chalked it up to her being left outside for such a long time and chose not to put too much thought into it beyond that.




2:37PM October 6, 2012


Instead of freaking out, I sat at the computer trying to force myself to work. If I still wrote on paper, there would be been a pile of crumpled balls surrounding my garbage pail in the corner. I put on some music, too distracting. I turned off the music, that didn’t help either. I closed my eyes and did some deep breathing exercises. Slow. Calm. Relaxed. I felt better. The screens flashing cursor lost some of its intimidating quality.

My fingers moved closer to the keys…


I jumped in my seat.

BANG. Scritchscritchscritch. BANG!

“Fuck!” (Of course I said “Fuck!” What else was I gonna say?) I ran downstairs to see who was at the door.

BANG. Scritchscritch BANG!

“I’m coming. Hold it a minute.” I couldn’t see a shape through the blind covered window on the door. “Who is it?” My question was answered with a whimper and a mournful bark. In my rush to hose off the yard and get rid of the bees, I guess Sadie ran outside with me. Too preoccupied in my meditation attempts, I didn’t notice she wasn’t in her usual space in the studio at my feet beneath the desk.

Her nub of a tail wagged when I opened the door. Fortunately Summer finally bowed its angry burning head in favor of the much friendlier climes of Fall. She scampered through my legs over to her water bowl lapping up as much as she could in her tiny little mouth while I made my apologies. I’m sure the only words she noticed were “food” and “treat”, but it made me feel better anyway.






1:15PM October 6, 2012


I’m not being paranoid!

There were more of them. So many that the entire surface of the trampoline was nearly covered. Pretty much the opposite of what you think I should do, I ran outside. Without my shoes on no less. I turned on the hose and sprayed the carcasses off the trampoline. Then I turned around and saw the beehive clinging to the wall just above my window. I switched the nozzle to high until the strangely familiar shape fell to the ground with a deep, hollow thud.

A few bees drunkenly crawled out of the shattered honeycombs followed closely by their woozy queen. I redirected the stream at her distended body until the ground beneath flooded and her lifeless carcass floated belly up on the surface.

 I dropped the hose and ran into the basement. Fortunately the bleach was on the shelf next to the door because I was in no mood for searching. My skin crawled and my heart raced so fast I thought I was about to have a heart attack.

The puddle bubbled a bit when I added the bleach leaving an almost pretty, grease-like rainbow on the surface. I made my way around the yard splashing as much as I could over the grass, not caring if it would turn everything brown. I noticed a few grains of brown rice left on the trampoline, so I poured more bleach over them as well. When I was sure I’d drowned every last one, I put the bleach back in the basement and went back inside.

Oddly I didn’t feel hungry for lunch anymore.





12:31PM October 6, 2012


Tell me I’m being paranoid. 

Everyone else left to go to a birthday party and I stayed home by myself. Trying to get some work done to prepare for next week’s craziness. Of course my hands wont stop shaking now. Not so easy to type with M.S. And a batch of the heebie jeebies piled on top.

The kid’s trampoline is in the side yard underneath my studio window. I looked out over the yard and after a couple of seconds I saw them. There were only a couple, which is pretty normal being that we live out here in the boonies. Nothing out of the ordinary really. Until my eyes adjusted to the sunlight glaring through the glass.

At first I thought it was a bunch of twigs and broken leaves blowing around in the breeze until I noticed that none of the trees on the other side of the yard were moving at all. Everything stood peaceful and still other than the twitching brown and yellow insects on the tightly stretched round black canvas. My studio windows are down low so I had to lean close to the floor and squint. The bees were flopping around on the trampoline like my kids do when they’re jumping. The few still up in the air darted back and forth and upward and slantways. Some slammed into each other falling to the grass below.

Not cool.

I thought about calling 911, but what would I say?

“Help. There are parasitic zombie fly larvae eating bees from the inside out in my backyard?”

Yeah. They’d send a squad car right over. I got a bridge to sell ya too.

the Key to everything



Dear Diary: October 6, 2012, 10:16 AM


It’s the busiest weekend of the year. The Art’s Festival has taken over everything. Most of the streets are blocked off and police are everywhere. Flocks of people swarm in from all over New England to look at hand quilted blankets, listen to the marching bands, wolf down bags of freshly popped caramel corn and Styrofoam bowls of chowder.

Of course we had to snafu our way through the road blocked traffic and make our way to the baseball fields for our Fall Ball game today. I’m not sure if it’s due to the earliness of the hour, or that everyone else had to deal with the maddening rush of out of towners, but all the other parents looked bleary eyed and pissed off too. Once the kids took the field everybody seemed to settle down though. For the first few innings anyway.

Two outs into the fourth inning, our shortstop limped on to the grass infield as a line drive shot from the aluminum bat thumping him directly in the chest. All us parents sucked in a collective breath and stood, anticipating the cries and screams of this freshly wounded eleven year old.


The ball fell to the ground without a bounce. His only reaction was to lower his head down and blink absently at it. The runner rounded first base and the rest of our team shouted “Pick it up!” and “Get the ball!” Instead, the glove slid from his hand and he limped in the direction of the opposing team’s dugout.

The field umpire stopped the runner at second base and scratched his head. By this time our coach jogged across the field to check on the kid to make sure he was okay. I was too far away to hear what he said, but as soon as he tapped him on the shoulder, he threw up. It went everywhere. On his uniform, the coaches shirt, the grass, the concrete floor of the dugout. If there were a record for the most people saying “ew” at the exact same time, we would have won it.

Obviously they sent the kid home or to the doctor, I’m not sure which. A few of the coaches cleaned up the mess as best they could and the game continued on. We ended up winning 7 to 3. So there’s that.

I took a lot of pictures of the game, like I always do. My camera has a really nice lens too. When I got home I uploaded the pictures to my computer. Got a few good shots of the kids in action. One thing though, I don’t remember taking pictures of the puke incident, but I guess I did. Zooming in on the image I swear I can see some thick grains of rice on the ground where he threw up.



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